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Encountering denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, giving a clear “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching story ideas 50 years back, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and many short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have multiplied. On average, I receive a setback frequently—totaling more than 100 each year. In total, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a master’s in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Since, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

Some context: At this point, almost each individual and their relatives has said no. I’ve never counted my success rate—it would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, a publication rejected 20 submissions one after another before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors rejected my book idea before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I send my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could these people be ignore my ability?
• Next, denial. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and the magazine is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Precedents

Of course, I was in excellent company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was at first turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was first rejected. If they could persevere, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone says that his movie pitch and desire to star were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I achieved the seventh stage of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have already featured a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or just be thinking about a similar topic for a different writer.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or the editor believes I am not qualified or reputation to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Or was busy and scanned my work too fast to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or something about my punctuation, especially dashes, was annoying.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and in excess of numerous essays. My writings have appeared in magazines major and minor, in diverse outlets. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to various outlets for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no appearances on TV programs, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept rejection at 73, because my, small achievements have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be reflective about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What lessons have I acquired?

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