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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, families affected by a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”