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I firmly hold the belief that it is forever an option to transform. I believe you can in fact instruct a veteran learner, provided that the experienced individual is open-minded and eager for knowledge. Provided that the person is willing to admit when it was in error, and strive to be a improved version.

OK yes, the metaphor applies to me. And the skill I am attempting to master, even though I am decrepit? It is an major undertaking, something I have battled against, frequently, for my entire life. The quest I'm on … to grow less fearful of those large arachnids. Apologies to all the remaining arachnid species that exist; I have to be realistic about my capacity for development as a human. The target inevitably is the huntsman because it is sizeable, in charge, and the one I encounter most often. Encompassing three times in the last week. In my own living space. Though unseen, but I’m shaking my head and grimacing as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “enthusiast” status, but I’ve been working on at least becoming a standard level of composure about them.

I have been terrified of spiders since I was a child (unlike other children who are fascinated by them). In my formative years, I had a sufficient number of brothers around to guarantee I never had to handle any personally, but I still became hysterical if one was visibly in the general area as me. One incident stands out of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and attempting to manage a spider that had crawled on to the living room surface. I “managed” with it by retreating to a remote corner, nearly crossing the threshold (for fear that it chased me), and emptying a significant portion of pesticide toward it. The chemical cloud missed the spider, but it managed to annoy and disturb everyone in my house.

With the passage of time, whomever I was in a relationship with or sharing a home with was, by default, the least afraid of spiders in our pairing, and therefore tasked with dealing with it, while I made whimpers of distress and fled the scene. In moments of solitude, my method was simply to leave the room, plunge the room into darkness and try to ignore its being before I had to re-enter.

Not long ago, I stayed at a pal's residence where there was a notably big huntsman who resided within the window frame, mostly just hanging out. To be less fearful, I envisioned the spider as a 'girlie', a girlie, in our circle, just lounging in the sun and overhearing us chat. This may seem extremely dumb, but it was effective (to some degree). Alternatively, actively deciding to become less scared worked.

Regardless, I've made an effort to continue. I think about all the logical reasons not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders won’t harm me. I recognize they eat things like insect pests (my mortal enemies). It is well-established they are one of the world's exquisite, non-threatening to people creatures.

Unfortunately, however, they do continue to walk like that. They move in the most terrifying and almost unjust way imaginable. The appearance of their many legs transporting them at that frightening pace causes my ancient psyche to go into high alert. They claim to only have eight legs, but I maintain that triples when they move.

But it is no fault of their own that they have frightening appendages, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – perhaps even more so. I have discovered that taking the steps of trying not to immediately exit my own skin and run away when I see one, trying to remain calm and collected, and intentionally reflecting about their good points, has proven somewhat effective.

The mere fact that they are furry beings that scuttle about at an alarming rate in a way that causes me nocturnal distress, does not justify they merit my intense dislike, or my high-pitched vocalizations. I am willing to confess when I’ve been wrong and driven by irrational anxiety. I doubt I’ll ever attain the “trapping one under a cup and escorting it to the garden” phase, but you never know. Some life is left within this veteran of life yet.